


All I Wanted

by Anonymous



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dubious Consent, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Past Suicide Attempt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sibling Incest, Smut, Twincest, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, fucking hell that's a lot of warnings, i'm sorry saeyoung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-10 17:22:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20855459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Saeyoung will do anything to make Saeran feel loved.





	All I Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> okay i don't have an explanation for this
> 
> title is from the song all i wanted by daughter and idk why i picked it because it doesn't fit this fic
> 
> it shouldn't need to be said that i don't condone incest and dubcon but i have to do it anyway
> 
> also it's not beta read whoops

Neither of them thought it would come to this.

It started with Saeran wandering into Saeyoung's bed when he had nightmares and Saeyoung pressing soft kisses to his brother's forehead. Things gradually escalated and those forehead kisses became kisses on hands, kisses on cheeks, then kisses on the lips. They both knew it wasn't helping Saeran's recovery, but for the first few months neither of them cared.

Saeyoung never actually minded the kissing. He never thought of it as romantic or sexual, since they only ever kissed when Saeran really needed it. It was for comfort and nothing more. Kissing was just one of the many ways Saeyoung reminded Saeran he was okay.

Saeran was the one who wanted to take things further. He'd woken up from a nightmare sobbing and Saeyoung hugged him so tightly he worried his ribs might break. Their kiss tasted like Saeyoung's mint toothpaste and Saeran's tears, and then faintly of blood when Saeran bit down on his brother's lip.

Saeyoung moaned out of reflex, then quickly pulled away when he remembered just who he was kissing. The two stared at each other with wide eyes, and before Saeyoung could apologize Saeran was straddling his hips and their mouths came together again.

The next morning, Saeran woke up with hickeys trailing from his chin down to his chest. Again, Saeyoung tried to apologize, but Saeran reminded Saeyoung that he was the one asking for it. Saeran loved those marks and made sure to wear low-cut shirts for the next few days so he could see them every time he looked in the mirror and be reminded of how safe and loved he feels with Saeyoung.

Their clothes came off a few nights later. Saeyoung felt like there was a knot in his stomach when Saeran started running his hand up and down Saeyoung's length, and he was so anxious he was starting to feel faint, but he didn't dare voice his discomfort. Instead he whispered soft "I love you"s against his brother's skin and kissed his tears away as Saeran grinded their hips together until they were both seeing stars.

That brings them to now. They're in their shared bed, the one that was originally Saeyoung's, their lips crashing together furiously. Saeyoung thrusts into Saeran as deeply as he can and the man moans into his mouth and begs for more. Saeran's nails are slicing into Saeyoung's back as he fucks him and the scratching hurts, but not as bad as hearing Saeran cry does. Or seeing the scars on his wrists. Or feeling Saeran's fingers tugging at his hair as he desperately tries to ground himself so he doesn't drift away.

Saeyoung wraps his arms around Saeran protectively like he does when they fall asleep at night. Their bodies are pressed together as tightly as can be and it's difficult to tell where one twin ends and the other begins.

Saeyoung knows Saeran is close. He is, too, and he feels so filthy and all he wants to do is pull out and run to the shower and never think about this again. But then he'd have to see Saeran's confused and hurt expression when he suddenly cowers away from him, and he'd never forgive himself for that. Saeyoung keeps his mouth busy by attacking Saeran's neck and silently prays he doesn't sob. He hates this. He hates this so fucking much.

He can never tell Saeran, though. Saeran loves him. Saeran is _in love_ with him. Saeyoung knows his brother has gone through hell and back, through abuse and brainwashing and drugging and even a suicide attempt. He's so very fragile and he's clinging to reality by a single thread, that thread being the marks Saeyoung leaves beside the cigarette burns and track marks and the love Saeyoung fills him with on nights like these.

Eventually, Saeran throws his head back as he's pushed over the edge. Saeyoung cringes when he feels wetness on his stomach and decides he should just get this over with, then does the same out of sheer will and clumsy movements of his hips.

Saeyoung pulls out slowly and lies down with his head on Saeran's chest. He knows they have to clean up at some point, but Saeyoung worries that if he leaves the room now he won't come back.

Saeran laces his fingers with Saeyoung's and the latter brings his brother's hand to his mouth and kisses the long scar running down his arm.

"I love you," Saeran whispers after a beat of silence. Saeyoung buries his face in Saeran's neck and bites his lip so he doesn't hear him cry. Saeran can _never_ hear him cry, not over this.

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> haha......... yeah idk why i wrote that
> 
> but anyway i hope u enjoyed??? ig?????? i'm very into fucked up psychological shit so this was an interesting piece to write and i did enjoy writing it even tho i felt gross near the end
> 
> thx 4 the read
> 
> ps if u know who i am. which u might if u have ever read any of my not anonymous fics. don't be a snitch.


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